Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Worn out

I've been so busy I've hardly had time to think. I don't know if I like that feeling. I think I have become accustomed to moving at the pace of a snail. Blending into the background. I don't enjoy busy life. I thought I used to but it seems such a waste.

I'm trying to make parenting decisions and I feel like I'm failing miserably. I'm trying to do the very best, perhaps trying to hard? I want my children to be nurtured and cared for, why is that so hard to understand for some people. Our daughter is a huge part of our lives, after all she is one of the family despite not actually being living. I don't know how to integrate this concept into my life. Or more importantly how does my son integrate that into his life without it being a major problem for him.

So far I've let my son grieve in any way he needed to. I've tried to nurture him and surround him with love whilst he's dealing with his sisters death but now we've reached a point where I don't know what to do next. I miss my happy carefree and spirited boy. He's so sad and depressed. It breaks my heart to see his spark lost.
I know I can't fix this. I wish I could. I wish I could take away that pain he's carrying.

Just venting my thoughts...

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