Thursday, May 3, 2012

This life

So many days. Weeks. Months... The thoughts are never far but so very unexpected It still sometimes jumps out to rattle me The only way to describe the feeling is like shock Like a deep punch to the stomach Hollow Heavy Slow I do still find these feelings come in cycles and most certainly I'm sure they'll be there forever She will be a part of me forever I don't want to be that dead baby mama though I never liked her She was needed but not wanted I've finally found a place in life where I can be my quirky self Where I'm not constantly reminded of my past I've made awesome friends who know me as the person they see before them, not anything else Nobody knows me as the woman whose baby died I hated that person That feeling The way it often defined my personality Yes it was my reality for a time and I did find that she would creep so easily into conversation but this RIGHT NOW is not my life I'm all for the now. The living. This life. I'm finally me Focused Happy Living This smile is real By all means it's not perfect Fuck I'm not perfect There are moments Needs Wants Desires Hopes Dreams When I'm stressed or feeling unbalanced The contents of the neatly packaged box inside me begin to spill out When I'm craving touch the cracks appear Simple human connections When conversations become dangerously close to deep Afraid of scaring them away or confusing the balance Protecting what is Ruining a good thing And so it goes Up and down Mostly up Much less down Much much less down It is what it is...

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