Friday, August 13, 2010

You died today

You died today
Not now but a while ago
You let go but it seems I did not
Your eyes closed
Your cheeks grew cold and you just stopped
In the dead of the night
How appropriate it is

I knew it was coming, yet that feeling
The spinning out of control feeling that washes over you
The fog
The heaviness that holds you, yet your feet do not seem to touch the ground
The numbness
The process
The tick- tock

I fussed
I tried not to cry all over you
Too aware everyone was watching me
I fixed your clothes and wrapped you tightly knowing that you wouldn't get out anyway

I kissed your hair
I touched your skin
I looked at you closely
Hoping I'd remember you

I held you for a while but returned you to a foreign place
The smells
The sounds
The lights
It wasn't peaceful anymore
Maybe it was for you
For me it was calm with you in my arms even if you were cold

You died today
and I am still sitting here
trying to remember you


  1. Oh Carly, I can hardly see the screen through my tears.
    Your beautiful baby, you her mother, not just for the brief time together, but forever.
    Holding you and your family in my heart.

  2. "For me it was calm with you in my arms even if you were cold"
    I remember that! I felt peace while holding my baby - giving him back to the nurses invented a new kind of pain that I still feel every day.

    Carly, your poetry is so beautiful! I love reading it and you find words for a situation that is so hard to describe.

    Yuna is perfectly lovely! It looks like she is resting, wonderfully content being held against you.

  3. You do have quite a beautiful way with words.
    I'm so excited you are doing the sketchbook project! Pour into it. It will be beautiful.

  4. I'm just so glad I can share my world and her world with people who understand. With people who seem to cherish her every moment just as I did.

    Anna, you described that photo beautifully. She was resting. That was the very last photo we have of her.