Just a quick one for now. I might come back and revisit this later though.
You can forever wonder and analyze. I know it's not helpful. I really need to just ask myself what I think. What I feel and sit with it. Leave it at that. Let it go. Because with wondering and processing and analyzing we get guilt and self hate. Nothing good can ever come of that.
I need to just accept what is, really. This isn't about accepting that Yuna died or I lost my womb. This is about knowing what I know and accepting. Letting it go.
She'll always be my daughter. I know that, that should be enough. No one else needs to know that.
Letting go doesn't mean forgetting her or what we've been through. Letting go means giving myself some peace. Some love and a whole lot less pain and guilt. This is just a theory though...
I can keep searching, keep googling, keep asking but no one will ever give me the answers I want or need, or know what it feels like to be me. Only I know how I feel. Simple it seems.
So my new process is to TRY and just breathe a little bit more. Let go of this questioning and miss her all the same.