I'm struggling to wait
To be patient
To hold the space for you
To keep giving
To be unsure of what it is I'm holding on to
What will be left when the decisions are made?
When you let me go? Will you let me go?
Do we start over?
Do we walk away?
What direction are we going in?
I thought it was clear
I was feeling again
Now it feels like I'm the only one who was moving forward
Into the future
I was certain
Now it's a struggle to get through each day and I never wanted to feel like that again
Those were horrible dark places
Places that suck everything you have right from the very core of you
I don't want to pretend either
Pretend that I'm okay with this realisation
That the past 10 years are now floating above me in question
The next ten seem so unclear
Did we waste them?
Did I not do enough?
Am I not trying hard enough?
Is this a wasted effort?
This is your shit, not mine but I'm here hoping
Fading into the hurt
The self doubt I've been fighting to control all my life
To get back what was taken from me over and over again