Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Long time

I haven't disappeared off the face of the Earth. It does feel like it sometimes.
We moved. Remember?

It's a wee bit difficult to blog from my phone. I've been itching to get back here and write something meaningful, something interesting, something...

Nope, my head is still spinning. I'm still adjusting and I'm still sleeping on a camping mattress on the floor of our new little house. I'm still without my lovely coffee machine, my craft supplies, my everything really.

My mantra over the past 4 weeks? "We'll get there."

I think I've been so busy trying to make this move a smooth transition for my family that I really haven't had time to think of anything else. There have been a few frustrated and sad tears. But I'm so used to that it's almost nothing. I'm so good at just rolling with those feelings.

I feel like I'm in some kind of limbo though. I don't fee settled yet. At home?

I'm without my things, which in turn makes me feel like I'm without a part of her. Yuna's box of "things". You know statues and photos and bits and pieces. Yet before I moved I didn't feel attached to them? I could feel her. Maybe because I knew they were just there?

There were moments of guilt when you feel like you've left something behind, or when you are so caught up in life, she slips a little bit further into your memory. A little too far. Those moments throw you back under the crashing waves of the grief ocean.

You want to share, you've been away for so long but no one asks. I guess dead babies aren't really a wanted conversation for most of society. Most of the people we know. That makes her feel so far away to me. So unimportant. So forgotten.

But alas, we'll get there. Won't we?

1 comment:

  1. I didn't ask about Yuna, because I didn't know how to. I don't want to upset you or for you to think I have some morbid interest in the grief that fills every day of your life. Everytime I see you, I think of Yuna, everytime I see you I get angry at the universe for allowing this to happen to you and your family.
    Don't think that just because people aren't asking is because they don't care or don't want to talk about it as it's not socially acceptable, some of us, including me, are just scared.

    Love you babe
    Kirsty xo