Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A decade or so

Inspired by a few lovely blogger friends.

I hadn't really thought much about the wow factor of it being 2011. One day tends to blend into another sometimes here. It has a lot to do with survival.
I did however stop and realise that a whole decade passed and I lived it.
I did some pretty awesome things and some things were downright awful.
Those 10 years were years that made me who I am today.
Looking back it's been a massive 10 years of growth and change, wonder and life.
Lets look in more detail what I've been up to for the past decade!
I have packed most of my photos so I'll use what I can find.
Now to remember all the details...


I was 16.
I was feeling very independent and grown up.
I loved school.
Had some pretty interesting friends in many different circles.

Spent a lot of time listening to Limp Bizkit, playing pool, seeing movies and going out for pizza.
Continued to do Army Cadets because there were loads of cute boys to see and I got to wear funky boots.
Went to Canberra with Cadet group sans parents and had the most amazing time.
Went to a party and met a boy.
Fell hard for said boy.
Dated boy.
Loved boy.
My grandfather died.
Taken just a few days before he died.

That was the first time I'd ever lost anyone close to me. It sucked.
Broke it off with boy because I loved him and that scared the heck out of me.

Summer came.
Ate loads of chicken schnitzel sandwiches. Drank cheap alcohol at the beach.
Listened to Powderfinger. Painted on the walls.
Met carnival folk and random tourists.
Cried till I laughed and laughed till it hurt.
Became damaged goods one summer evening.
A new year came.


Loved school a little bit less.
Enjoyed the bus rides more.
Wrote long winded emotional letters to quiet friend who understood.
Developed a serious crush on a boy I'd seen around town.
Smoked pot in a cave.
Hung out in streets and playgrounds being moody, annoying teenagers.
Ate far too many dim dims and microwave chicken rolls from a petrol station across the road.
Watched boys do silly things on skateboards.
Went to my first Debutante Ball. Wore something ridiculous.
April 8th 2001.

Went to after party in hopes crush boy would turn up.
Crush boy did turn up. He gave me his jacket to wear. It smelt like dough and too much deodorant. He was a baker ;)
Saw a fight and a car accident that night.
Walked the streets and talked to crush boy ALL night. Saw the sun come up with crush boy.
Kissed crush boy good morning.
Went camping with my Dad and friend.

Spent many hours on the floor of petrol station on a pay phone talking to crush boy.
My mother had an addiction to the Internet. We had one phone line.
English lit became my all time favourite class.
Got a job as a florist. Got fired from job as florist because I didn't want to leave school.
Got a job as a waitress at Phil's Pizza.
Participated in my own Debutante Ball and again wore something ridiculous.
Learnt to dance silly dances I've never remembered.

Spent every spare moment with crush boy. Fell in love. Dreamt of the future.
Road tripped to Sydney with my PARENTS AND GRANDMOTHER. It very nearly killed me.


Still in love with Crush boy now known as B :) Still dreaming of the future.
In my final year of high school.
Wanting other things in life.
Still working.
Spending less time at home and more time with B at his place.
Convinced finishing school is important.
Talked life and love.
Make plans for a baby.
Create baby in May that year.
Turn 18 in September. 4 months pregnant.
Feel on top of the world.
Quit job to focus on study and growing baby.
Finish school and exams.
Graduate at 30 weeks pregnant.

A hideous photo from my graduation. I hated that dress and the hairdresser ruined my hair. My feet hurt and I was sooooo tired.

Friends drop off the planet due to soon to be born baby and my lack of interest in a social life.
Spend all my time in the ocean over summer with belly babe.


Experience labour and surgical removal of the most incredible little person.
Become a mother to a son on February 1st at 6:05pm.

Skin to skin and first breast feed in Recovery

Experience joy and love beyond words.
Also experience what I now know is PTSD and PND.
Be proposed to. Say yes.
Returned to study Aged Care.
Love being a mother.
Get job in Aged Care.
Learn to drive
Lived life as a family and watched my wee boy grow and turn one.


Co sleeping joy
Cut off all my hair.
Move to Cairns, QLD.
Alexander turns two!

Enrol in a BA at Uni.
Hate Uni. Discover I still hate maths.
Get another job.
Adjust to living in the tropics.
Ditch uni.
Work instead.


Get offered a scholarship to do my Diploma in Nursing.
Get 2nd Job at hospital.
Study Study Study.
Turn 21.
Move into our own house.
Get a cat, Pancakes.
Wish for another babe.
Enjoy our own space.


Become pregnant in June.
Finish studying Diploma.
Work as a Nurse in Women's Health.
Discover Joyous Birth.
Discover Doulas.
Enjoy pregnancy and life.

Experience labour and surgical removal of a baby for the second time.
Become a mother to another son on the 14th March at 7:55pm.

Experience love and joy and loss beyond words.
Learn more about PTSD and Birth trauma.

Become heavily disillusioned with the system and mainstream birth support for women.
Begin my doula certification and childbirth education Diploma.
Work slowly through my own birth trauma and become a stronger woman with strong opinions and values.
Turn 23.


Spend a day out on the Reef with B for his Birthday.

Create another baby. A surprise baby that same night.
My most challenging pregnancy yet.
I was ill for a good four months.

Charlie tuns one!

Alexander starts School.
Book Week
Leave my shitty job in a private hospital Women's Health unit to focus on my baby, my birth and healing from old trauma.
Really research, learn, understand, question and grow.
Continue my doula studies.
Make plans for our 3rd birth.
This year was a powerful year of knowing and growth. I felt like I really became a woman. A strong powerful woman.
Had my first Blessingway.

August 2008

Almost 42 Weeks pregnant. 4 days later I would give birth.

Experienced real birth. Had the most amazing baby emerge from my vagina.
Became a mother to a daughter on October 2nd at 4:05am. She shares this day with her great grandmother.
Experience a catastrophic uterine rupture.
Have emergency hysterectomy, very nearly die and discover we wont ever be bringing our daughter home with us.

Journey through and treasure the days we have with our daughter.
Make the decision to let nature take over.
Watch as my daughter takes her last breath.
11 days old and gone.

Survive. Love.
Be away from my family and children for a whole month while I recovered in Hospital.

Be judged. Learn how the world really works.
Face the prospect of criminal charges for choosing to provide a safe, calm and natural birth for my daughter.

Have my world fall to pieces around me.
Pick them up again. Slowly.

My Grandmother died on November 2nd.

The last time I saw my grandmother.

Pull together a memorial service in honour of Yuna Jane. I still don't know how I did it but I did.
December 6th 2008

Got my 2nd Tattoo


Stumble through life grieving, living, loving and learning.
I don't really have much to say about 2009.
It just was.
We survived it.
Went to Canberra to support home birth.
Coming to terms with my womb-less reality.
Went to a counsellor.
Completed my doula certification and Childbirth Education Diploma
Supported births, slowly got my mojo back.

Back on my feet a little more.
Learning to breathe again.
Enjoying the sunshine.
Enjoying my sons.
Continued to immerse myself in all things birth. Took on a paying client and supported a birth.
Made the leap and returned to nursing.
Decided to move back to Victoria.
Presented Yuna's birth story on behalf of the Maternity Coalition at the ACM conference on the Gold Coast. This was amazing and felt so good to share. A major highlight.
Decided I definitely want to continue study and do my Midwifery Degree in the next few years.

A pretty massive decade. Many laughs and many more tears. Much learning and loving.


  1. Thanks for sharing that. I feel like I know you so much better after having taken that ten year trip with you ;) Had no idea you were so young lol or that you and your man found each other so young and started baby making so young, you renegades, very cool.

    Cried at "womb-less reality" and had a big smile at your midwifery plans.Very excited about you moving to VIC, squeee. And now I've just remembered to bug Ealesy about sending your shoes to you ;)

  2. Will just echo what Sazz said, except for the bit about being 'so young' cos I knew that. Oh and the shoes LOL.
    Much love to you xox

  3. Sad tears, happy tears! What a journey, you're such an amazing woman. All my love, may the next decade be AMAZING, and full of better fashion choices xxx

  4. Sazz, Do I sound like an old fart? LOL@ renegades. Honoured to share a little bit of me. I've just been blissing out on your newest squishy and your amazing wonderful goddess like nature. I'm so happy for you it's hard to describe. So many happy tears I've shed for you. We haven't met but I've seen you grow and become the most awesome mother. *sniff*

    Apwool, (I luff saying that) You're pretty awesome you know that right?

    Meg, *SNORT* Indeed lets hope for better fashion choices!

  5. Found you through Angie. Touched by your last 10 years... and sad your sweet little Yuna can't be playing along with your adorable boys.

    Sending all the best wishes. May 2011 bring nothing but love & laughter, giggles and happiness.