As it's gets closer to her birthday I wonder what that's supposed to mean for me.
Celebrating a birthday that ultimately wasn't a celebration at all.
Birthday wishes for a person who's not here.
Birthday wishes for a person you didn't really know at all?
As our second year without her rushes upon us I wonder what I can do to honour it.
Nothing feels right.
Nothing feels appropriate.
I don't want balloons.
I don't want cake.
For me, right now it feels like it's just another year that she's fading into oblivion.
Like you're fighting against the storm just to keep her near you.
The more years that pass the less people know about her, remember her.
A "birthday" just doesn't cut it when you baby is dead.
Like a smack in the face I realised I'll be at this point at the same time every year for the rest of my life.
What does one do with that shitty realisation?