Saturday, October 10, 2009

I know I know

Is it for me or is it for you? That I'm not entirely sure. I guess it doesn't really matter. Once it's out, it's out. Said and done.

Again this week is moving like slow motion. A lot like the same week a year ago. Only I was high on a cocktail of drugs and trapped inside a hospital. This time I'm only trapped inside myself. My own thoughts. I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm too exhausted to post photos from Yuna's birthday or even blog about it for that matter. I'll get around to it eventually. I also have some placenta planting stuff to blog about but that can wait a few days too. I need to compose my thoughts a little more. I know, a lot less random. Not my usual style! But as always I like to piece out my thoughts, see where they came from and where they're taking me next. There are so many emotions flowing through me I don't know where to start.

This week has been like flying blind. Not knowing how, when or what to feel. Searching for things that I'll never grasp. Story of my life these days. I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. No one ever wrote a book about the 12 step program to recovery when your baby dies.

Trying to remember the little details. Reliving every moment just to know I'm not dreaming.
Feeling a wee bit insane. Trying to forge on, cheer up and love.

Love. That's a tough one. Maybe I need a whole new blog about my love issues?

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