Thoughts escaping

Drifting away

It seems inevitable

You do not see me

You do not hear me

You do not know me

Yes you love me

You wished and hoped for more

This we cannot change

Cannot undo

I am selfish

I am hurting

I am trying

I want to be honest

I want to speak

I am silent

I am hiding

I am broken

There are so many facets to these feelings.

So many reason that cannot pass my lips.

So many things you do not understand.

It appears I am damaged and selfish but look deeper and you will see me,

See the reasons, the hurt, the confusion.

Random Thought #1

Crying in the shower it came to me. Another little piece of my heart torn. "The last baby YOU held was my baby, my daughter. That hurts and you have absolutely no idea what that feels like."