History

I do not know where to begin.

There were fleeting moments recently where all I could feel was how distant it all seems.
How I sometimes feel like I need to fight to keep the memories close, yet knowing deeply that they do not need to be so close to the surface anymore.
It's okay.
It really really is.

I am amazed that I'm here.
The wounds of loss to not burst open. The raw edges do not burn into my heart. The very core of me.

I feel whole.
I feel human.
I feel.

The directions in this journey have been varied but here I am. Still.

She is not less.
I am not less.

We are still real.
Still a story.
Still a part of my history.
This is key.
It's past.
It is not present.
It no longer needs to be first.
The pain.
The grief.
The guilt.
They do not define me.

I am seeing the world with brand new eyes.